That nagging feeling to step in front of my camera since Brinley’s birth has felt more and more persistent lately. Every night I’m reminded why as I put my babies to bed.
They go to sleep little and in the morning, they wake having metamorphosized. The change is gradual, but it’s enough to make my heart ache.
I have 3 children under 5 and my day consists of rushing around from task to task, foolishly forgetting how subtly and quickly it can all change… how much they can change.
Then morning comes and reminds me.
It reminds me through their maturing faces that these little people are literally changing right in freaking front of me! So much faster than my multitasking overwhelmed mom-brain can keep up with.
I know if I don’t slow down and take a moment to admire it and document it regularly…
I am going to miss it.
I have a horrible memory. I know that’s a common thing people say, but it’s true. Personal experiences and memories slip from my mind like tired hands hopelessly cupping water.
If I don’t write things down or photograph them, theres a super good chance I’ll forget the details forever.
So when I get that urge to stop and document my life… I do my best to listen.
I stop. I drop everything. I pick up my camera… even if it’s only for five minutes. I ignore the dishes, I put off the cooking and cleaning. I pull out my camera and just capture us as we are in that moment.
No dressing up, no makeup, (if that’s how I’m rolling in that moment) I just whip out the camera and capture our life as it is. Right. Then.
I’d like to say I do this because I want my girls to know what their childhood looked like, but the truth is…
I want to remember.
I have this dying desire to remember how tiny they looked in my arms.
What it felt like to hold them close. Kiss their tiny heads. Breathe them in so deeply it’s almost like they become a part of me again…
I desperately want to remember it. ALL of it.
What this period of motherhood feels like, looks like, sounds like.
And one day when they grow up and become mothers too, I hope they see my work and get a glimpse of what motherhood looked like and meant to me.
And above all, I hope they see how fiercely I loved them.